You're momma's so fat people say she's got a celestial body...Ah the beautiful rhythm of a mum cuss, it quenches my mind's thirst like a camel's first glug of water after a 14 day desert hike. Delicious!

We all love a good insult and even better, a great come-back or retort. Like in the Simpsons when Lisa says to Bart, "Bart, that's tomorrow's dinner" to which Bart wittily replies, "You're tomorrow's dinner!!" Brilliant, did you see what he did there? I usually try and take what someone said to me and turn it into an insult, just like Bart. It is the very pinnacle of a canny quip. Maybe...for a 5 year-old...with brain rot...

Anyway here's a hilarious list of some of the greatest retorts in the history of retortage, so read up and next time someone calls you a 'Feeble, pitiable sh#t herder with the brain of a retarded toad', as people often call me, you can come-back with something cutting like 'Yeah, well you're a retarded toad!' That'll learn 'em.

I'll leave you with a quote from Groucho Marx. While not quite a retort it is at least a brilliant response. When asked by his friend S. J. Perelman about whether he'd read Perelman's new book Marx replied, 'From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.'

There are some sick puppies out there, I should know I schooled them. But this guy turns it into an art form - he likes to draw sketches of real life murders and muggings, like a Walt Disney who grew up reading James Ellroy.

They're technically good drawings, but damn are they sinister, but then I suppose murder is a pretty sinister act; not exactly the work of Saints now is it? Apart from St. Murder himself, their patron saint.

There's something undeniable creepy about looking at his drawings, and the fact that they're drawn in a comic book style adds to this, as does the fact that they are drawn as if the image was a photo of the event, taken just before the act takes place. Maybe he perpetrated all the crimes he's drawn, so that's why he makes it look so realistic, or maybe he just uses his artistic skill to imagine it.

Artists, they're a crazy bunch.