For all you speed freaks out there, here's the fastest car on Planet Earth, the Porsche 9FF GT9, test driven to the maxage! But what about the Shelby Ultimate Aero I hear you cry, or the Giblet Platinum Malteser? Well, I'll let you fight it out, but this is still a great car.

986 horse power, no traction control, no DSG gear box, one wing mirror, no airbags and it can beat Marty's DeLorean back to 1955. Chris Harris chats with its proud parent Jan 'The Man' Fatthauer about this awesome piece of machinery, it's f#cking scalectric!

If Beelzebub was visiting relatives in Swindon tomorrow, he'd be rocking out of hell in one of these bad boys. Jeremy Clarkson stains his sheets each night dreaming about shutting his weiner in the car's bonnet, that's how cool this car is.

Plus they raced this at Monte Carlo against Superman and the Flash, they cried heroic tears because it whipped their puny asses, they had a dust sandwich with a side of rubber for dinner that night!

Lasers, as a sci-fi staple they're up there with aliens, eternal night, robots sent from the future and Lance Henriksen, so it's good news to sci-fi fans to hear that a laser weapon is ever nearer. Hoorah! More weapons to eradicate our fellow man, just what we need in this current climate of fear, blame-mongering, hatred and contempt!

While lasers are something straight out of popular sci-fi, I think the world is edging ever closer to a sci-fi akin to that of Philip K Dick. If there's ever been a paranoid drug fiend, he's your man. He deals with the blurring line between the real and imagined, constantly confusing the reader with multiple realities, dead-ends that look like answers, cruel jokes, non-linear timelines and highly elusive conclusions. His characters are swathed in an eerie despondency, a hopelessness, a restless unease, a feeling of being trapped eternally in a mirror house of confusion and falsehood. That, I think, is closer to the realities we face each day.

But anyway, don't let that grind you down, lasers are cool! Imagine a laser this powerful in one of those laser toys for cats. Here kitty, kitty, here kit- ZIMP! MEOW!! Where'd kitty go? And where'd all this fur come from?